is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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