3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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