I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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