you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
