i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
