i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
