miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
