So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
