You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
