And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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