Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
