when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
