Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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