Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
