Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
