at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize