i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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