you would pick up someone in the library
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
