dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
