Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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