Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize