You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
