You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You are the jesus of drinking
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
