I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
