he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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