I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
