im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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