i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
