marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
