Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
