rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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