She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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