the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
