you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize