she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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