you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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