Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
