dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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