LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
