Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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