fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
