how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
