That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
