Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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