clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This can only be settled by a dance off.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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