I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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