respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
