he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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