Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
People in love make me want to vomit
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
