i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
