Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this just has baby written all over it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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