Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
