So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
