I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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