This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
