3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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