Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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