He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
