i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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