youre lurking in front of me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
