I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
