so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
