someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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