So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
