You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm always down for nudity.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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