Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
