How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
