i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
