And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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