you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
