I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
