Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
