the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Who died my cat blue again?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
