i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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