how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
