Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
