whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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