Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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