she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
